As I walk through the mental museum of my life randomly taking down and dusting off the memory laden boxes, I look back and see how far I've come but also how far I still need to go to become the person I need and want to be. However with the changes that I know I will need to make, I know without a doubt that there will also be conflict.
As I stop next to the personality box I feel a little apprehensive about opening it. However, the morbid curiosity is overwhelming and I just have to take a peek. You see, I have two contradictory "personas" if you will. And sometimes one overwhelms the other.
There is the independent Cheryl that is level headed, "don't need no stinkin man cause I can do it myself" kind of woman. But on the other hand there is little girl Cheryl. The Cheryl that is scared and unsure. The Cheryl that occasionally wants to just be held and comforted by a strong man. The Cheryl that contrary to outward appearances isn't as sure of herself and abilities as it may seem. While little one may seem like one that she needs to be taken out and coddled, most of the time it's not the wisest choice. You see, don't be fooled. That inner child is quite powerful and can take a hold and drag you down if you're not careful. Like today...
But don't worry, even though the girl's out, the woman's coming back and she'll put the girl back in the box where she belongs.
...as I put the box back on the shelf and take one last look, I'm a little saddened. But as I step away and continue down the aisle I'm quickly laughing and giggling again as I sort through my "Nieces/Nephews" box.
Boy these kids are fun...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow; that's all I can say... amazing.
ReplyDeleteYou know what- I love both Cheryl's, and I think they both have a place at the table. Each one has her strengths and her weaknesses. And each is incredibly beautiful.
Thanks T. You are truly a great friend. My little one, to me, is the red headed step child. :) She's the selfish, emotional, almost uncontrollable side of me. Which not only elates me but more so frightens me...thus the reason for the suppression.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that there are multiple masks that I've acquired over the years...the one for church, for school, for work, for family...etc. It's almost scary the various ways I've restricted myself in my interaction with others. I don't get close to people for the most part so unfortunately a very select few know the real me.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think most of us have masks. I always thought of my "masks" as roles I play in this theatre of life. I used to think it was "bad" - that I somehow was selling myself out by not being the same with everyone, all the time. I'm older now (wiser? maybe.) and prefer to think this is simply how humanity functions. Let the little one out once in a while - maybe she needs to dance! :)
ReplyDeleteI never thought of it that way. I think I use them though as a barrier.
ReplyDeleteOh how the little one loves to dance. :)
I agree with Teresa; we all have "masks". I think the key is to not compromise your principals while changing masks! Let the real Cheryl come out and play, even if she's a redheaded step child! And personally, I think sometimes you might feel you're being selfish, simply because you do so much for others. It's only natural to want, no, strike that, NEED to take care of Cheryl's needs every once in a while! Then you have more to give to others. This is a lesson I'm needing to learn right now; I tend to swing like a pendulum-giving to others, keeping for myself, back and forth... Need to learn some balance.
ReplyDelete